I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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