Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize