So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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