You just made me feel so damn special
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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