So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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