He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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