Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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