do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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