Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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