there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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