New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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