The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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