We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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