cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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