yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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