grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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