I smell stomach acid.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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