the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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