Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize