So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize