You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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