There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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