so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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