Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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