I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
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if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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