i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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