anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize