Cold hands, warm shart.
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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