take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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