dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize