Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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