His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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