omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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