The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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