it hurts more in the daytime
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize