if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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