Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
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That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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