plz talk dirty to me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize