Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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