Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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