I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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