note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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