new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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