Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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