I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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