When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize