guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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