in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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