You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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