So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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